Hating The Doggy Dog Life

This morning started out to be a beautiful morning.

I woke up early, took the dog for a walk, got Kayla ready and took her to school, and then sat down to enjoy me some American Idol on the DVR with my trusty friend Miley by my side.

We were having a great morning! I threw her ball, gave her a pig's ear. I even gave her a piece of bread with peanut butter on it (with her medicine in it of course). I thought for sure we were going to spend some quality time bonding today.

Jim called at 9:30 and I told him Miley and I would run up to his work and have lunch with him. Sounded like such a great idea - especially since I don't get to see my husband very often during the week with our crazy schedules. So around 10:30, I took Miley outside and then hopped in the shower to get ready for our day.

As I'm getting out of the shower, I hear this really loud noise. Okay - it wasn't just any loud noise, but a distinct "farting" type noise. I knew immediately what it was. My perfect little puppy turned out to be not so cute and perfect today. I'm still not sure what I ever did to deserve what I'm about to describe to you - but let me assure you - before the morning was over, I was in tears.

Disclaimer: For those who get queasy easy, stop reading right here.

I walked out of the bathroom with nothing but a towel on my head and am horrified to discover that my suspicions were true! I walked into my bedroom to see a HUGE puddle of doggy diarrhea all over my floor and my not-so-perfect-anymore dog huddled by the corner of my bed looking like this:

I instantly started gagging so bad.....just the site of it started the gagging and then when the smell penetrated my nose.....look out world. We were about to have a pile of vomit on top of the pile of poo. While frantically breathing through my mouth, I ran from the room to the hall closet searching for something to cover my nose, all the while I was STILL able to smell the nastiness.

This is what I came up with:

To make matters worse, the dog sensed my panic and came running toward me. In her attempt to see what was wrong, with her hind foot, she managed to step in her puddle of poo!!! Yes, you got that right. I think it was at that point that I started screaming....not necessarily at the dog, but just at the thought of having to clean poo off of her paw too! But apparently screaming was the wrong thing to do. Miley decided I was too loud of her and ran out of the room, leaving dog poo footprints behind her, all the way into the hallway!!!!

After calming down a bit, I was still gagging under my handy nose covering and the dog started following me around like she was waiting for me to die or something. Maybe it was the fact that I was running around the house naked, or maybe it was the towel on the top of my head - but she gave me the most curious looks. I didn't have time to enjoy her curiosity. I had to figure out how the hell I was going to clean up the mess! Let me remind you, it wasn't just a pile of poo....no, that would have been too easy and may have only caused mild gagging. No, this was a definite puddle of liquid crap (I'm sparing you the picture of the actual mess - trust me - just the site would make even YOU gag).

I spent 10 minutes running around upstairs looking for SOMETHING, ANYTHING to clean up the bulk of the mess. At last, I see it! A cup and a pencil sitting on top of Kayla's night stand. I'll make it work. I spent another 15 minutes trying to scoop up as much of the mess as possible, while gagging and dry heaving under my mask the entire time. By this point, I was in tears......just at a loss for what to do. I was about to lose it when a drop of liquid crap actually touched my hand. But I remained calm, washed my hands and resumed liquid crap scooping duty (something I would never wish upon anybody).

Finally - I got the majority of it! Now what??? I ran and grabbed the carpet cleaning spray- I couldn't let the stain set in!!! I let that set for five minutes while I went around opening every window upstairs to get some air flowing through. So now, here I am, dry heaving, running around upstairs with nothing but a towel on my head (and my mask), and now with the breeze, I'm freezing cold. I didn't have time to find clothes. I HAD to get this crap off my floor!!! That was priority #1!

I ran downstairs and grabbed the steam cleaner. I spent 20 minutes scrubbing the spot over and over and over and over again. Seriously - I cleaned that spot a million times. And once the carpet dries.....I will clean it a million more times. Then I had to tackle the poopy paw prints leading to the hall. Those were a little easier. But kept me gagging!

I think I've managed to get the carpet clean.....but I'm not quite sure what to do with the glass full of liquid crap. I'm scared to touch it - the outside of the glass is covered in poo. I think that might be a job for Jim when he gets home. Here is the aftermath.

Since this incident, I have taken another shower, scrubbed my hands about 15 times, and I still seem to have random gagging moments.....maybe just at the memory of it all.

Regardless - I love our puppy. But she sure had a way of making my day turn to crap!